Cuti raya haji baru2 ni kami balik kampung Tok kerana mengadakan kenduri perkahwinan adik abang yang bongsu. Seperti biasa, rumah tok penuh dengan sepupu sepapat Ariz yg kebanyakannya kecik2 belaka. Sepanjang 4 hari disana aku perhatikan Ariz begitu 'tidak popular' dikalangan budak2 yang sebaya tetapi sgt popular dikalangan yg lebih tua terutama yg dewasa. Popular tu Oklah, aku tak perlu nak bimbang. Sbb kepetahan dan kelucuan serta habit dia yg suka masuk dlm kelompok org dewasa agaknya. Tp yg merisaukan aku bila budak2 kecik seakan2 tak sukakan dia. Nasib baik aku ada, kalo tak sure terdera anak aku tu. Mmg kesian sgt sbb dia tak paham kenapabudak2 tak suka n tak nak kawan ngan dia. Bila aku perhatikan rupanya Ariz ni jenis yg suka mengontrol org lain. TV n video dia yg tentukan siaran apa nak tengok, mainan semua dia conquer, dah boring baru pas kat budak lain, pastu apa yg dia nak dia akan pastikan dpt walo dgn cara apa sekalipun. So, memanglah bebudak lain geram n bengang ngan dia. Tgk dia mcm tu, aku teringat remarks dari babysitter dia beberapa minggu lepas, 'Ariz ni, kalau gaduh ngan budak2 lain, kena kasik dia jugak menang, kalo tak, tak boleh nak settle'. Ayyoooo...parah ni. Aku ingatkan duk kat rumah yg ramai budak boleh improve dia punya social skill, rupanya terbalik pulak. Dia pandai berkwn tp dlm masa yg sama dia nak dominate org. Harap2 lepas dpt adik dia akan jd more considerate towards others.
Td aku belek2 kat internet, terjumpa this article.
First-born children are very important to the ego of the parents and are encouraged to achieve at very high levels to reflect well on the parents. Parents have a strong "script" for first born children that often reflects their own dreams. Parents actively "script" the child on the stage, giving him both the lines to say and the praise and applause when each "act" of the play is completed to their satisfaction. There are generally many more pictures of the first child as the parents are excited about recording every new "act" of the play.
Parents tend to be very concerned about parenting with the first child and give the child a lot of attention, discipline and clear "script lines." First-borns are therefore often high achievers and concerned about performing well for others. As other children come along they have an honored place and are revered by their siblings. However their "center stage" has been violated as other sibling enter the family "stage" and compete for attention and applause. First-borns can develop tendencies toward insecurity and jealousy as they watch younger siblings invade their "stage" and receive attention they want and are used to receiving exclusively.
As they are always the oldest parents tend to give them more responsibility and depend on them to take care of younger siblings. Although often resentful, first-born learn traits of dependability and responsibility through everyday repetition and being responsible and reliable often becomes a part of their character. There are more first-born Presidents and CEO's, although many first-borns also suffer from the feeling they have not achieved enough or are not successful nor good enough.
The first-born child is given a great deal of attention and is expected to be the "ego ideal" for his or her parents. High expectations for achievement are placed on the namesake child. As first born, the child is given a lot of responsibility and being the oldest, wields power among siblings by using aggression and the power of authority. Having been dethroned when the second child was born, the first child has tendencies toward jealousy and insecurity. Having been spoiled, first children often show dependency needs. They tend to be conservative and rule-bound, a reaction to the first-time parents' rigid roles and high expectations. They obtained attention and affection for achieving and for being good and responsible.
As a direct result of these family dynamics, first-born children have been found to have the following personality tendencies:
strong achievement drive, responsibility, dependability
authoritarianism, dominant, conservatism,
insecurity, sensitiveness, jealousy,
spoiled, stinginess, shrewdness,
high dependency, need for affection and praise
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