You light up my day!

Today we are going to KL. Reason : to spend money + to send Amirul to his hostel.

Ariz wake up early, came out from the room and said to me with a straight face,

'Mama, boleh tak Ayeh buang tahi idung kat dalam tandas?'

I think that was soo funny...hahaha!

Psychology of the first born

Cuti raya haji baru2 ni kami balik kampung Tok kerana mengadakan kenduri perkahwinan adik abang yang bongsu. Seperti biasa, rumah tok penuh dengan sepupu sepapat Ariz yg kebanyakannya kecik2 belaka. Sepanjang 4 hari disana aku perhatikan Ariz begitu 'tidak popular' dikalangan budak2 yang sebaya tetapi sgt popular dikalangan yg lebih tua terutama yg dewasa. Popular tu Oklah, aku tak perlu nak bimbang. Sbb kepetahan dan kelucuan serta habit dia yg suka masuk dlm kelompok org dewasa agaknya. Tp yg merisaukan aku bila budak2 kecik seakan2 tak sukakan dia. Nasib baik aku ada, kalo tak sure terdera anak aku tu. Mmg kesian sgt sbb dia tak paham kenapabudak2 tak suka n tak nak kawan ngan dia. Bila aku perhatikan rupanya Ariz ni jenis yg suka mengontrol org lain. TV n video dia yg tentukan siaran apa nak tengok, mainan semua dia conquer, dah boring baru pas kat budak lain, pastu apa yg dia nak dia akan pastikan dpt walo dgn cara apa sekalipun. So, memanglah bebudak lain geram n bengang ngan dia. Tgk dia mcm tu, aku teringat remarks dari babysitter dia beberapa minggu lepas, 'Ariz ni, kalau gaduh ngan budak2 lain, kena kasik dia jugak menang, kalo tak, tak boleh nak settle'. Ayyoooo...parah ni. Aku ingatkan duk kat rumah yg ramai budak boleh improve dia punya social skill, rupanya terbalik pulak. Dia pandai berkwn tp dlm masa yg sama dia nak dominate org. Harap2 lepas dpt adik dia akan jd more considerate towards others.

Td aku belek2 kat internet, terjumpa this article.

First-born children are very important to the ego of the parents and are encouraged to achieve at very high levels to reflect well on the parents. Parents have a strong "script" for first born children that often reflects their own dreams. Parents actively "script" the child on the stage, giving him both the lines to say and the praise and applause when each "act" of the play is completed to their satisfaction. There are generally many more pictures of the first child as the parents are excited about recording every new "act" of the play.

Parents tend to be very concerned about parenting with the first child and give the child a lot of attention, discipline and clear "script lines." First-borns are therefore often high achievers and concerned about performing well for others. As other children come along they have an honored place and are revered by their siblings. However their "center stage" has been violated as other sibling enter the family "stage" and compete for attention and applause. First-borns can develop tendencies toward insecurity and jealousy as they watch younger siblings invade their "stage" and receive attention they want and are used to receiving exclusively.

As they are always the oldest parents tend to give them more responsibility and depend on them to take care of younger siblings. Although often resentful, first-born learn traits of dependability and responsibility through everyday repetition and being responsible and reliable often becomes a part of their character. There are more first-born Presidents and CEO's, although many first-borns also suffer from the feeling they have not achieved enough or are not successful nor good enough.

The first-born child is given a great deal of attention and is expected to be the "ego ideal" for his or her parents. High expectations for achievement are placed on the namesake child. As first born, the child is given a lot of responsibility and being the oldest, wields power among siblings by using aggression and the power of authority. Having been dethroned when the second child was born, the first child has tendencies toward jealousy and insecurity. Having been spoiled, first children often show dependency needs. They tend to be conservative and rule-bound, a reaction to the first-time parents' rigid roles and high expectations. They obtained attention and affection for achieving and for being good and responsible.

As a direct result of these family dynamics, first-born children have been found to have the following personality tendencies:

strong achievement drive, responsibility, dependability
authoritarianism, dominant, conservatism,
insecurity, sensitiveness, jealousy,
spoiled, stinginess, shrewdness,
high dependency, need for affection and praise

Hari ni start kerja selepas bercuti selama 6 hari. Uwaaa, malasnya rasa. Ariz pepagi lagi dah terkedek-kedek bangun ke dapur waktu tgk aku goreng nasi goreng. Pastu dia tanya naper mama pakai baju cantik2 ni? Aku ckp kan hari ni mama kena keje dan Ariz nak ke p rumah Mama Che Moh, terus nangis. Kesian dia.

Hari ni aku pakai kasut yg tutup depan belakang. Whoa..dah ketat sgt. Rupanya kaki aku dah start menambah saiz. Tp maybe tak se kritikal masa mengandungkan Ariz Time tu dari saiz 4 jd saiz 8, then settle pd saiz 5 selepas bersalin. Skrg masih menten saiz 5 lagik..tp tak lama dah kot..

hatiku tersentuh lagi

Hari ini aku terima sms dari collegue aku dr Mekah. Sebahagian dr msgnya berbunyi '.....ana juga telah mendoakan kebaikan puan secara khusus'. Aku rasa mcm nak berderai je air mata. Sebabnya, he used to be my ex-bos whom i used to hate soo much. Byk dosa aku ngan dia walopun dia tak tau. Selalu aku ngutuk sbb tak puas hati (yg relate ngan keje aje lah). Dan aku pernah describe dlm post aku yg awal2 dulu. Tp bila org berbuat baik pd kita sedgkan kita sebaliknya, ia buat aku jd sedih sgt. Apapun, aku doakan dia beroleh sepenuh kebaikan sepanjang di sana dan sekembalinya disini.

Semalam Ariz dah buat aku dan abg jd trauma sekejap. Abg nak mengusik aku bg aku hidu gigi dia yg tercabut (which can be considered as gurauan kejam lah) so aku lari terjerit2. Ariz yg leka bermain terkejut sambil terus menangis mcm budak histeria. Pastu pukul2 abang sekuat hati sambil jerit 'abah jahat, abah buat mama!'. Kami terpana sekejap then aku peluk ariz kasi dia tenang. Abah pun terkejut terdiam. Hilang dah nak buat lawak alih2 jd takut. Kesian sgt rasanya kat Ariz, budak kecik mana dia paham apa2. Yg dia tau, dia nak protect mama dia. So bila tanya lepas tu dia cp dia tak sayang abah. Terpaksa kami slow talk ngan dia, pujuk2. Nasib baik sejam lepas tu dia kembali okay.

Bulan December kembali, musim appraisal for bonus. Skrg pakai sistem baru based on balance scorecard and competency. Byk perkara yg perlu di improve sbb sistem ni mcm tak seimbang antara department. Ada org senang score ada orang susah nak score. Anak2 buah aku ler yg paling kesian, semua score rendah sbb bsc yg kitorang buat amat detail dan capture almost semua. Harap2 pengurusan ada consideration lain masa moderation nanti.

Nostalgia musim tengkujuh

Skrg hari2 hujan..kerap tp tak lah lebat sgt..Aku mmg suka hujan..rasa shahdu jer..teringat kenangan masa kecik2 dulu..terdengar2 bunyi hujan menimpa atap zink, ternampak2 ayah dengan kain pelikat yang ditarik keatas seperti khemah kecil menutupi leher sambil bersandar di dinding melagukan ayat2 Qur'an atau selawat. Teringat kami mandi2 di 'cucuran' atap. Ahh..rindunya pd zaman kecil2 dulu.

Skrg musim tengkujuh pun tak merasa dah ngan banjir..tak macam dulu, tetiap tahun mesti banjir. Apatah lagi bg aku yg duduk di dua kampung yg mmg terkenal dengan banjir (arwah ayah pernah sekali masuk buletin utama, tgh kayuh perahu dlm banjir). Yg bestnya kami jarang kena pindah walopun air dah naik skit je nak cecah lantai. Thrill jugak terasa mcm duduk ditengah pulau. Boleh main2 air banjir, berenang, tangkap ikan, etc. Paling ebst bila ada org datang hantar bantuan banjir. Time tu jenuhlah makan segala jenis ikan, ikan perah, lampam, puyu, keli, haruan, etc. Ayah mmg pro bab menangkap ikan dan kami adik beradik pulak suka sgt berebut belon (org kg aku panggil 'celepong') yg ada dlm perut ikan tu. Pastu best juga sbb bleh main perahu kat tepi rumah.

Bila musim tengkujuh perut asik lapar aje. So makanan berbentuk ubi mmg amat ler laku time tu. Ubi kayu, ubi setela, ubi gadong (tak leh lupa adik2 mabuk sbb termakan ubi gadong tak masak) dan mcm ubi lagi. Baju2 pulak bersidaian di jemuran sbb tak sempat kering. Silap2 terpaksa pakai baju basah jer. kalo org baru bersalin mmg teramatlah kasihannya nak mengeringkan lampin baby. Kadang2 terpaksa letak jemuran atas bara api dan hasilnya..baju salai!

Yang tak best bila banjir dah surut..sbb tanak jd lecak sgt n baunya busyuk!

Skrg musim tengkujuh dah tak bermakna spt ketika kecil dulu. Sekadar kereta tersadai atau kena tolak sbb tak lepas air banjir, apa yang best?

tersentuh hati

Semalam mama makan mangga bersama Ariz sementara abah mandi dlm bilik air. Sampai ke hirisan yang terakhir Ariz ambik dan nak masukkan dlm mulut, tp belum sempat masuk dia keluarkan semula dan letak balik dlm piring. Pastu dia ckp, 'Hmm..yg ni mana boleh makan, yang ni kena simpan kat abah' sambil terkedek-kedek bawak piring tu ke dapur n taruk dlm peti.

Malam sebelumnya Abah potong Jambu madu yg tinggal sebijik aje dlm peti kpd 4 potongan. Then diorg mkn sepotong sorang. Dah abis Ariz mintak nak lagi, then abah kasi dia lagi satu. Tinggal lagi satu Ariz suruh abah lak makan lagi satu, tp abah ckp simpan lah satu utk mama. Terdengan perbualan diorg sbb mama sdg pakai baju dlm bilik masa tu. Tersentuh hati mama sbb bende sekecil tu pun abah ingat juga nak simpan walhal mama dah tak larat nak makan dah sblm ni.

Agaknya Ariz learn from example kot..:D

Semlm jugak abah tukar henpon lagi, sbb henpon lama yg mama kasi as hadiah birthday tu rosak. Nak kata rosak teruk tu idaklah, tp ada problem ngan reception kot. So abah ambik model baru ni..Nokia 5310 XpressMusic..murah saja tp sgt comel dan nipis..Suka sgt! Ceh, mcm ler dpt kat aku pon..

Counting the days..

153 days to go, if based on scan result
148 days to go if based on LMP
______________________

Mixed feeling of excitement and fear. Excited to welcome the new little cutie in the family but afraid of the accompanying pain that came together as a delivery package. Terasa fobia bila ingatkan pengalaman melahirkan Ariz. A few days ago i had a dream of giving birth to a baby girl, and miraculously it came with no pain at all..memang mengarut punya mimpi.

Deep in my heart i do hope that 'the baby' is girl, although if it come out as boy, it won't upset me at all. Coz the only reason that i wanna a girl is so that i can fulfill my 'craziness' towards baby girl's clothing yg mmg giler punya cute. Owh tidakk...sesungguhnya kalo aku dpt baby girl, maka aku tak tau lah berapa byk duit yg akan dihabiskan utk beli baju2 yg kiut miut itu.

2,3 hari kebelakangan ni dah mula start sakit belakang, sakit kaki bila bangun tido nak berpijak ke lantai, pastu nak membongkok pun dah mula x selesa. Nasib baik kaki masih maintain original size dan xde naik urat2 timbul. Tangan belum kebas lagi n paling best belum terasa sgt heartburn. Maybe sbb kandungan masih kecil. Tp harap2nya takde lah yg menyakitkan sgt.

Rasa mcm tak sabar sgt nak main dgn baby. Patutlah org yg dah lama xde anak kecikk excited sgt bila nak dpt anak. Rupanya baby ni memang membawa kelainan sgt2 dlm kehidupan kita. Tak sama ngan anak yg dan makin membesar yg penuh ngan mcm2 kerenah.